Hold a straight face, don’t bleed on the carpet

by Brad Nelson

Hay haulers are not the only ones who get into donnybrook situations. It’s just that they are the only ones who can laugh about it at the time and also later. Here a few days ago I spent time in the wee hours helping an ambulance get back to its barn. As usual, it’s a long story. The timing of the event, anyway, the part of it where I became involved, happened late on a Sunday evening. Our local ambulance service, of which Elli and I are a part, was toned out to a motor vehicle accident. The timing was that just about simultaneous with the page, I became “indisposed”.

By the time I finished being “indisposed”, Elli had dressed — and left. In fact, she was about to the ambulance barn by this time, as were a number of other fire department personnel, including what sounded like an adequate number of qualified medical staff. With the report over the scanner that indicated only one patient, I went to sleep. By and by, I heard the ambulance arrive at the hospital, and later leave the hospital on the way home, “out of service”. This is not good. This means that something is wrong with the ambulance. Since Elli had not come home, I assumed she was with the ambulance. I called the unit on the cell phone and asked for her. She was not on board. The crew stated that she was probably still doing paperwork on the other occupants of the vehicle. When I asked the nature of the problem with the ambulance, I was told that the charging system had ceased charging. They thought they could make it home. They thought wrong. I told them that if anything changed, I could meet them and charge up their unit with jumper cables, and make it possible to get the rig back to the station. About twenty minutes later, they called. About two-thirds of the way home, the ambulance had stopped completely. I drove out to where they were. We decided that Ford electricity and Dodge electricity was of the same type, so I gave the Ford a transfusion from my Dodge. In ten minutes, the Ford started, and made it on home.

The rest of the story is that there were fire department personnel in the same town that the ambulance transported to. They were returning home with empty vehicles. If the crew had known this, they could have left the non-charging unit at the Ford dealer to be repaired the next day, and yours truly would have had more sleep. But then, none of us were mind readers that night.

Most of us are going to at some time be the first on the scene of a wreck. Let me take a minute and go over a few things to keep in mind when that happens. First, remember the KYA rule: Park in a position so you and your vehicle are safe. You can’t be of any service to those involved if you get run over trying to help. If you have a cell phone, call 911. Calling from a cell phone is not the same as calling from a landline. The dispatch center has no way of knowing where you are. You have to tell them where you are. Also, depending on where you are, you may not get the closest 911-dispatch center. This means they have to figure out where you are, and patch you through to who you really want to talk to. For this reason, I have the non-emergency phone number for the Grant County, Washington dispatch center programmed into my cell phone. Sometimes they answer in four rings instead of two, but I’ll be talking to who I want to be talking to, to get the troops on the way to whatever I’ve come across. To call 911 from my cell phone near home, I may get the Wenatchee state police dispatch center, who may not really have a clue where Royal City is. A crossroad or a mile marker and a highway number are most helpful to dispatchers.

Once you’ve called it in, if it is safe for you to approach the scene, here are some tips. Unless there is imminent danger of the vehicles involved burning, or sinking in water, or some other danger, do not move anyone. The dispatcher will want to know how many are injured, and how bad. You may not be qualified to answer the “How bad” question, so don’t be bashful about saying “I don’t know”. They will also appreciate you staying on the scene, either on the line, or able to be called back until the troops arrive. If you don’t have any medical training, limit your activities to keeping the injured warm (or shaded) and from being moved.

Some time back, our ambulance service was involved in staging a mock head-on in the parking lot of the high school as an eye-opener to the students concerning drinking and driving. At an organizing session prior to the event, Elli was demonstrating how to make fake injuries look real. She had access to a kit with all the stuff needed to make really gory-looking injuries (I can’t spell it, but it is pronounced a “moo-lodge” kit). A young police officer at the meeting was infatuated by the possibilities of the kit. He insisted on being the guinea pig for its demonstration. He got his wish. When finished, he looked like he had been shot through the hand. It looked so real, that he went to the home of the chief of police and acted like he was in pain. The chief’s response was along the line of “Why did you come here? Why didn’t you call the ambulance?” But he couldn’t hold a straight face. Relating the story later, he asked, “Do you know what the chief told me I was one of?” A voice in the background was heard to say, “We already knew you were one of those!”

He’s actually a rather impressive young officer. With more experience and a few of his rough edges rounded off, he’ll be as fine an officer of the law as you’ll find anywhere. When someone recognizes him from this article, we’ll see how well-developed his sense of humor is. PD